It has now been two years since I walked down the aisle and married the love of my life. I remember feeling very excited and nervous at the same time. It was like standing at the edge of a cliff, ready to leap into a new chapter of life. I was ready to leave my life as a single person and start a new life as a married person.
Any married man knows that becoming a good husband is one of the most life-changing things a person can do. There are many reasons for this, but the most important ones are the amount of emotional intelligence you have to develop, the limited time you have to learn about your partner’s needs and preferences, and the many adjustments that happen when two separate lives become one.
When I was just starting out in my marriage, it felt like I was learning a new language. I was learning about partnership, compromise, and shared responsibility. It was always difficult to balance my own identity with the goals we had as a couple, all while dealing with the many challenges we faced. Even though it was difficult, I continued to learn and gained a better understanding of what it means to live with another person. The road ahead will continue to be difficult, but I am thankful for the lessons I have learned.
Marriage is when two people decide to combine their lives and stories into one. It’s not just a legal contract or social institution, but a daily choice to put “us” before “me.” It represents the willingness to be vulnerable with another person while also becoming their safe harbor in life’s storms. Marriage is both very risky and very rewarding. It’s like a leap of faith that turns two people into a team that can deal with anything life throws at them.
Choosing a life partner is perhaps the most important decision you’ll ever make. There are many things that you can’t control that influence this choice. You can’t control the timing, the circumstances, or even your own feelings. However, you can control your approach to this monumental decision.
Focus on what’s truly important: Shared goals, open communication, and understanding of each other. These controllable elements are key to building lasting partnerships. Purpose gives you direction, communication ensures you can navigate conflicts constructively, and understanding creates the empathy necessary for long-term companionship.
Luck must be on your side too, and you have to be willing to take risks — especially if you’re naturally introverted like I am. This means putting yourself in uncomfortable social situations, being vulnerable enough to express genuine interest in another person, and opening your heart to potential rejection. The other option is to stay put and keep to yourself, but that’ll probably leave you feeling pretty lonely.
If you need advice, talk to family and friends who you trust. Pay attention to what they’re saying, but keep in mind that they’re not the ones who’ll be waking up next to this person every morning for the rest of their lives. Their opinions should inform your decision, not dictate it When you’ve thought about all the practical details and listened to all the advice, follow your heart. This is perhaps the only time I can definitively recommend following your emotions over pure logic!
Getting married means that you have to change the way you see yourself and your place in the world. You have to understand that marriage is not as romantic as you might have thought. This means giving up some of your strong beliefs about being independent and making your own decisions. You’re no longer just thinking about yourself — you’re trying to create a shared life with someone whose needs and goals may sometimes conflict with yours.
You must be willing to compromise on certain things, even when your approach seems objectively correct. Being right isn’t always the most important thing; being married is. Some of the best memories you’ll make together will come from the times you both completely mess things up. These shared failures become the stories you’ll laugh about years later, connecting you through your shared imperfections. Forgive quickly and completely instead of holding to grudges. When you feel resentment, it’s like you’re carrying a bucket of acid. The acid destroys the bucket more than anything else in it.
Money discussions are some of the most important conversations you’ll have as a couple. Ideally, you should have the same ideas about financial priorities from the start of your marriage. If you’re not aligned, at least make sure you’re from similar socioeconomic backgrounds and have similar attitudes toward spending and saving. When one partner is financially focused while the other is more laid-back about money, the marriage often has problems because of these different priorities. These differences in how you handle money can cause deep frustrations that affect every part of your relationship. Have these difficult conversations early on, set clear expectations, and create systems that work for both of your financial goals.
Edited and update on 06/2025 for clarity
Remember that marriage is a journey, not a problem to be solved. Focus on enjoying the journey instead of always measuring your progress towards an imagined finish line. The little things in life, like being connected every day, sharing laughter, and spending quiet evenings together, are what make a marriage real. These moments are more important than the big events or achievements.
Don’t yell, argue to win, or insist on being correct in every disagreement. Instead, listen to your wife closely, share your thoughts and reasons clearly, and be willing to apologize when you’re wrong. Yelling makes things worse. If you argue to win, you become an adversary instead of a partner. When you insist on being right, you can’t really hear your partner.
Don’t let anyone else become a third party in your marriage. This applies to family, friends, and society at large. Be careful about letting other people get involved in your relationship. When you share your personal business with others, you lose control over your own story. Your most private moments become a public spectacle.
Finally, learn to let go of things quickly. If you had an argument yesterday, leave it there. Focus on the future instead of thinking about past problems. Your marriage is not a courtroom where evidence is collected and judgments are rendered - it’s a partnership where both people are working toward the same goals.